...the first pain of christmas...
Nov. 26th, 2005 09:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lavandarlizard2Something kind of seasonal, even if the timeline doesn't match. Hey, I'm lucky I can remember how to put my socks on these days..... >.<
I'm supposed to be sewing right now. At least, that was my plan for this weekend. We all know how that works... Oh, well. The burnoose isn't going anywhere and I doubt if the comforter, the throw and the humbags can get the door open to escape.
Happy shopping, y'all. ^__^
BFB – Part 094 – Shopping
A
I parked the car as far from the mall itself as I could get; Heero might not be in love with his car, but he wouldn’t be happy if I brought it back with dings. I patted its sleek dark hood and told it I would try to hurry, but it being this time of year, I couldn’t make promises.
It’s almost funny how some people will circle and circle like vultures, waiting for a space close to an entrance to open up. I wonder sometimes if that’s a Human trait or just an impatient one. It seems to me it would be a lot faster to just park and get the shopping started, but what do I know? I tried asking when I lived with them, but I never really got a good explanation. And they don’t all do it.
Heh. It’s kind of fun now to watch Humans and all their little behaviors. I think when I was actually in their world I was too afraid to watch them that closely, for fear of attracting attention, but now... Well, what are they going to do to me now?
And here is another of their funny behaviors. Two adult females are unloading kids from a minivan. It seems like there are a dozen kids bouncing around the van, but it’s probably only five or six; they just move so fast when they’re small like that. The females are hauling out strollers, the huge, massive, tank-like kind, and snapping them into usable form to start loading the kids in.
It took me a while to understand that Human females – women – generally travel in pairs and groups when not working, and that they usually have their offspring with them wherever they go. I still don’t quite understand the Human need to be constantly surrounded by others, but I suppose it’s some residual herd instinct. Banshees are sociable, but we also value our personal space. Our females don’t run in packs either; too competitive, some would say.
But then I suppose I do it now. I hardly ever go for coffee or to lunch alone; if Heero is out, someone else almost always goes with. Still being discreetly protective of me. I’d get mad, but there’s really no point, and I can also now see myself as being just as protective of one of my friends in the same circumstances. Sometimes the whole office will go as a herd. It’s funny to watch the faces of the dining hall staff when we all come thundering in; they can’t seem to decide whether to just take cover or to actually run. I haven’t figured out yet if they’re really intimidated by us or just afraid Wufei is going to criticize the food again.
I was almost to the back end of the minivan when one of the kids, being chased by another kid, decided to make a left turn straight into traffic, nearly under the wheels of a – fortunately – slow-moving pick-up truck. I reached out and snatched him off his feet, swinging him around and setting him down again, almost before he realised he was airborne. He squawked and one of the women screamed. I remembered too late how touchy they are about strange males getting near their children. But instead of yelling at me, she went for the kid.
“Allen! How many times have I told you not to run around in the parking lot! You could get squashed!” She swept him up and made a few passes with her hands, and suddenly Allen was snapped into a harness, the other end of his leash being attached to the stroller containing two smaller kids.
She turned on me then. “Thank you so much for grabbing him! I tell him and tell him, but he doesn’t remember when he gets excited.”
I hesitated, then decided to go ahead. “Well, he’s kind of small yet; might take a couple more years before he remembers. Maybe the harness should go on before he hits the pavement.”
She glanced at her son, who was pouting and picking at the webbing of the harness, but otherwise behaving very nicely. “That’s probably a good idea.... He doesn’t like it, but I like the idea of squished kid even less,” she smiled. “Thanks again.”
I shrugged and returned the smile. “Anytime.”
+~+
I’m not really shopping for anything; it’s more that I’m here just because I can be. The two Dragons have finally let me take the training wheels off – witness Heero letting me use his car – and start living normally, as in without one of them attached to my hip every moment I’m out of the Castle.
I even got to take a field assignment this week. Granted, Trowa and Inazuma were both with me, but I was still out of the office, which I haven’t been since the... Incident. I didn’t have any panic attacks or flashbacks and only startled twice. If either of my teammates noticed, they didn’t say anything, so I felt pretty proud of myself.
Heero is involved in something down in the labs, but he’s going to meet me for an early dinner and then we’re going to go to a movie, probably something loud and mindless with lots of special effects. I love those sorts of movies; takes my mind off my own little special effects department.
I wandered through some of the stores, looked in a lot more windows, bought a soda and sat in the middle of the mall people watching. No panic attacks. No uneasiness that I could find. It’s been a while, after all, and about damn time.
I really do feel like I’ve finally found ‘me’ again, amid all the craziness. I also think that talking to Julie helped. It doesn’t make what she did forgivable, but it makes it understandable, in a weird sick way. If she had just told me what was happening, I would have done everything I could to help her, but she didn’t and now I can’t. Nothing I can do about it now. I have my own fears to deal with now, and I hope to hell I never deliberately hurt someone else just to save myself.
I wouldn’t be here like this, though without the help of my Wyvern. What I wanted, what I did, made him uncomfortable and nervous, but he did it for me, because I asked. I knew, somehow, that it would work; that crossing that finally barrier would free me from that miserable loop of pain, guilt and fear, and it *has* worked. I still have my little triggers, but I’m not falling-apart-hysterical every time I turn around anymore. I feel... grounded; anchored again. I’m beginning to feel good again.
I bought a few little things for Dael. I’m sure she doesn’t need them and I’m sure Teal will say I’m spoiling her, but I’m the uncle, so I’m allowed. I’d be over at the boarding house right now, but Teal and Dael are out ‘visiting’ for a couple of days.
Teal has friends all over the world from his wanderings; some of them in this area. They’re spending the night with a Were that Teal has known since he was a pup. It’s a bit of a coincidence; the Were raises sheep and sells their wool as spun yarn to specialty yarn shops all over the world. Teal promised to ask him for me if he ever takes special orders for certain finishes or colors. I have some ideas, but I’ve never found the right yarn.
The Were and his female have a daughter a few months older than Dael, so she should have fun.
I can hardly believe that Teal is willing to stay the whole summer, but I’ll certainly take what I can get. He says he intends to continue wandering, between visits with me and his mother’s Clan, until Dael is ready to attend school, then he’ll find a suitable place to settle. I did mention that the Castle runs a day school for Magical children of the town and the surrounding area. He said he’d look into it when the time comes.
It’s great to have him here, but it’s even better that he isn’t fussing over me. Those few moments in the office when he first arrived were the extent of my hysterical breakdown. Even hearing about my mother didn’t knock me for as much of a loop as I really expected. I won’t say it doesn’t matter any more, because it does; just... not so much as it used to.
Other things in my life are beginning to straighten themselves out as well. I finally beat Inazuma on the range. He promptly decided that I was ready to move up a notch to a heavier bow, so I’m back where I was, shooting all over the place until I get used to it. And him smirking behind his hand where he thinks I don’t see. I’ll get him one of these days, and beat him with his own bow; see if I don’t. And Teal brought Caz’s bow for me.
He says he has a lot more things in storage for me, once I pull my head out and Choose Heero, so we can settle down in our own home. That kind of shocked me; I haven’t been thinking about a home of our own. Never occurred to me that we could live somewhere together that isn’t within the Castle walls. I know that Heero is waiting for me to respond to his declaration, and he says he’ll wait as long as it takes, but Teal keeps giving me bad looks when Heero tells me he loves me and I don’t say the same back to him. I’m just not... ready yet. I feel like I’m waiting for some kind of sign; fireworks, shooting stars, a UFO with “Do it now!” spelled out in flashing green lights. I think Heero knows that I’m not going anywhere, and I’m almost sure he isn’t, so I don’t see any rush. Teal’s a romantic guy though; I guess he would feel better knowing that Heero and I are official.
The sorting out of my fear-induced explosions is also going well. I’ve been able to voluntarily call up the... well, power, several times now. The first time I was trying to pop a balloon and ended up breaking a window, but Madame Collier wasn’t too upset. She’s told me stories of some of the incredible things that the students do while trying to master some of the dueling spells, and believe me, breaking a window is pretty far down on the list. The second time was a little different. I made a pot of water burn.
I was working on controlling the explosive force and I essentially set the water on fire. We were both rather startled. I’m just glad to see some positive response from all the work I’ve done. Madame Collier feels that the more I play with it, the easier it’ll become to control. I hope she’s right, because I sure don’t want to hurt anyone again.
I'm supposed to be sewing right now. At least, that was my plan for this weekend. We all know how that works... Oh, well. The burnoose isn't going anywhere and I doubt if the comforter, the throw and the humbags can get the door open to escape.
Happy shopping, y'all. ^__^
BFB – Part 094 – Shopping
A
I parked the car as far from the mall itself as I could get; Heero might not be in love with his car, but he wouldn’t be happy if I brought it back with dings. I patted its sleek dark hood and told it I would try to hurry, but it being this time of year, I couldn’t make promises.
It’s almost funny how some people will circle and circle like vultures, waiting for a space close to an entrance to open up. I wonder sometimes if that’s a Human trait or just an impatient one. It seems to me it would be a lot faster to just park and get the shopping started, but what do I know? I tried asking when I lived with them, but I never really got a good explanation. And they don’t all do it.
Heh. It’s kind of fun now to watch Humans and all their little behaviors. I think when I was actually in their world I was too afraid to watch them that closely, for fear of attracting attention, but now... Well, what are they going to do to me now?
And here is another of their funny behaviors. Two adult females are unloading kids from a minivan. It seems like there are a dozen kids bouncing around the van, but it’s probably only five or six; they just move so fast when they’re small like that. The females are hauling out strollers, the huge, massive, tank-like kind, and snapping them into usable form to start loading the kids in.
It took me a while to understand that Human females – women – generally travel in pairs and groups when not working, and that they usually have their offspring with them wherever they go. I still don’t quite understand the Human need to be constantly surrounded by others, but I suppose it’s some residual herd instinct. Banshees are sociable, but we also value our personal space. Our females don’t run in packs either; too competitive, some would say.
But then I suppose I do it now. I hardly ever go for coffee or to lunch alone; if Heero is out, someone else almost always goes with. Still being discreetly protective of me. I’d get mad, but there’s really no point, and I can also now see myself as being just as protective of one of my friends in the same circumstances. Sometimes the whole office will go as a herd. It’s funny to watch the faces of the dining hall staff when we all come thundering in; they can’t seem to decide whether to just take cover or to actually run. I haven’t figured out yet if they’re really intimidated by us or just afraid Wufei is going to criticize the food again.
I was almost to the back end of the minivan when one of the kids, being chased by another kid, decided to make a left turn straight into traffic, nearly under the wheels of a – fortunately – slow-moving pick-up truck. I reached out and snatched him off his feet, swinging him around and setting him down again, almost before he realised he was airborne. He squawked and one of the women screamed. I remembered too late how touchy they are about strange males getting near their children. But instead of yelling at me, she went for the kid.
“Allen! How many times have I told you not to run around in the parking lot! You could get squashed!” She swept him up and made a few passes with her hands, and suddenly Allen was snapped into a harness, the other end of his leash being attached to the stroller containing two smaller kids.
She turned on me then. “Thank you so much for grabbing him! I tell him and tell him, but he doesn’t remember when he gets excited.”
I hesitated, then decided to go ahead. “Well, he’s kind of small yet; might take a couple more years before he remembers. Maybe the harness should go on before he hits the pavement.”
She glanced at her son, who was pouting and picking at the webbing of the harness, but otherwise behaving very nicely. “That’s probably a good idea.... He doesn’t like it, but I like the idea of squished kid even less,” she smiled. “Thanks again.”
I shrugged and returned the smile. “Anytime.”
+~+
I’m not really shopping for anything; it’s more that I’m here just because I can be. The two Dragons have finally let me take the training wheels off – witness Heero letting me use his car – and start living normally, as in without one of them attached to my hip every moment I’m out of the Castle.
I even got to take a field assignment this week. Granted, Trowa and Inazuma were both with me, but I was still out of the office, which I haven’t been since the... Incident. I didn’t have any panic attacks or flashbacks and only startled twice. If either of my teammates noticed, they didn’t say anything, so I felt pretty proud of myself.
Heero is involved in something down in the labs, but he’s going to meet me for an early dinner and then we’re going to go to a movie, probably something loud and mindless with lots of special effects. I love those sorts of movies; takes my mind off my own little special effects department.
I wandered through some of the stores, looked in a lot more windows, bought a soda and sat in the middle of the mall people watching. No panic attacks. No uneasiness that I could find. It’s been a while, after all, and about damn time.
I really do feel like I’ve finally found ‘me’ again, amid all the craziness. I also think that talking to Julie helped. It doesn’t make what she did forgivable, but it makes it understandable, in a weird sick way. If she had just told me what was happening, I would have done everything I could to help her, but she didn’t and now I can’t. Nothing I can do about it now. I have my own fears to deal with now, and I hope to hell I never deliberately hurt someone else just to save myself.
I wouldn’t be here like this, though without the help of my Wyvern. What I wanted, what I did, made him uncomfortable and nervous, but he did it for me, because I asked. I knew, somehow, that it would work; that crossing that finally barrier would free me from that miserable loop of pain, guilt and fear, and it *has* worked. I still have my little triggers, but I’m not falling-apart-hysterical every time I turn around anymore. I feel... grounded; anchored again. I’m beginning to feel good again.
I bought a few little things for Dael. I’m sure she doesn’t need them and I’m sure Teal will say I’m spoiling her, but I’m the uncle, so I’m allowed. I’d be over at the boarding house right now, but Teal and Dael are out ‘visiting’ for a couple of days.
Teal has friends all over the world from his wanderings; some of them in this area. They’re spending the night with a Were that Teal has known since he was a pup. It’s a bit of a coincidence; the Were raises sheep and sells their wool as spun yarn to specialty yarn shops all over the world. Teal promised to ask him for me if he ever takes special orders for certain finishes or colors. I have some ideas, but I’ve never found the right yarn.
The Were and his female have a daughter a few months older than Dael, so she should have fun.
I can hardly believe that Teal is willing to stay the whole summer, but I’ll certainly take what I can get. He says he intends to continue wandering, between visits with me and his mother’s Clan, until Dael is ready to attend school, then he’ll find a suitable place to settle. I did mention that the Castle runs a day school for Magical children of the town and the surrounding area. He said he’d look into it when the time comes.
It’s great to have him here, but it’s even better that he isn’t fussing over me. Those few moments in the office when he first arrived were the extent of my hysterical breakdown. Even hearing about my mother didn’t knock me for as much of a loop as I really expected. I won’t say it doesn’t matter any more, because it does; just... not so much as it used to.
Other things in my life are beginning to straighten themselves out as well. I finally beat Inazuma on the range. He promptly decided that I was ready to move up a notch to a heavier bow, so I’m back where I was, shooting all over the place until I get used to it. And him smirking behind his hand where he thinks I don’t see. I’ll get him one of these days, and beat him with his own bow; see if I don’t. And Teal brought Caz’s bow for me.
He says he has a lot more things in storage for me, once I pull my head out and Choose Heero, so we can settle down in our own home. That kind of shocked me; I haven’t been thinking about a home of our own. Never occurred to me that we could live somewhere together that isn’t within the Castle walls. I know that Heero is waiting for me to respond to his declaration, and he says he’ll wait as long as it takes, but Teal keeps giving me bad looks when Heero tells me he loves me and I don’t say the same back to him. I’m just not... ready yet. I feel like I’m waiting for some kind of sign; fireworks, shooting stars, a UFO with “Do it now!” spelled out in flashing green lights. I think Heero knows that I’m not going anywhere, and I’m almost sure he isn’t, so I don’t see any rush. Teal’s a romantic guy though; I guess he would feel better knowing that Heero and I are official.
The sorting out of my fear-induced explosions is also going well. I’ve been able to voluntarily call up the... well, power, several times now. The first time I was trying to pop a balloon and ended up breaking a window, but Madame Collier wasn’t too upset. She’s told me stories of some of the incredible things that the students do while trying to master some of the dueling spells, and believe me, breaking a window is pretty far down on the list. The second time was a little different. I made a pot of water burn.
I was working on controlling the explosive force and I essentially set the water on fire. We were both rather startled. I’m just glad to see some positive response from all the work I’ve done. Madame Collier feels that the more I play with it, the easier it’ll become to control. I hope she’s right, because I sure don’t want to hurt anyone again.
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no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 06:18 am (UTC)Oh, and I thought I found a grammar error in the first half of this (a missing -s or some such), but can't find it now that I've gone over it again... I'm probably imagining things again.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 02:52 pm (UTC)I go over everything pretty thoroughly before I post, but random typos have been known to slip under my radar, especially if I'm tired. I don't touch-type, so I occasionally whack the wrong key without realising. ^__^ Which would be why I go over everything...