...the first pain of christmas...
Nov. 26th, 2005 09:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lavandarlizard2Something kind of seasonal, even if the timeline doesn't match. Hey, I'm lucky I can remember how to put my socks on these days..... >.<
I'm supposed to be sewing right now. At least, that was my plan for this weekend. We all know how that works... Oh, well. The burnoose isn't going anywhere and I doubt if the comforter, the throw and the humbags can get the door open to escape.
Happy shopping, y'all. ^__^
BFB – Part 094 – Shopping
A
I parked the car as far from the mall itself as I could get; Heero might not be in love with his car, but he wouldn’t be happy if I brought it back with dings. I patted its sleek dark hood and told it I would try to hurry, but it being this time of year, I couldn’t make promises.
It’s almost funny how some people will circle and circle like vultures, waiting for a space close to an entrance to open up. I wonder sometimes if that’s a Human trait or just an impatient one. It seems to me it would be a lot faster to just park and get the shopping started, but what do I know? I tried asking when I lived with them, but I never really got a good explanation. And they don’t all do it.
Heh. It’s kind of fun now to watch Humans and all their little behaviors. I think when I was actually in their world I was too afraid to watch them that closely, for fear of attracting attention, but now... Well, what are they going to do to me now?
And here is another of their funny behaviors. Two adult females are unloading kids from a minivan. It seems like there are a dozen kids bouncing around the van, but it’s probably only five or six; they just move so fast when they’re small like that. The females are hauling out strollers, the huge, massive, tank-like kind, and snapping them into usable form to start loading the kids in.
It took me a while to understand that Human females – women – generally travel in pairs and groups when not working, and that they usually have their offspring with them wherever they go. I still don’t quite understand the Human need to be constantly surrounded by others, but I suppose it’s some residual herd instinct. Banshees are sociable, but we also value our personal space. Our females don’t run in packs either; too competitive, some would say.
But then I suppose I do it now. I hardly ever go for coffee or to lunch alone; if Heero is out, someone else almost always goes with. Still being discreetly protective of me. I’d get mad, but there’s really no point, and I can also now see myself as being just as protective of one of my friends in the same circumstances. Sometimes the whole office will go as a herd. It’s funny to watch the faces of the dining hall staff when we all come thundering in; they can’t seem to decide whether to just take cover or to actually run. I haven’t figured out yet if they’re really intimidated by us or just afraid Wufei is going to criticize the food again.
I was almost to the back end of the minivan when one of the kids, being chased by another kid, decided to make a left turn straight into traffic, nearly under the wheels of a – fortunately – slow-moving pick-up truck. I reached out and snatched him off his feet, swinging him around and setting him down again, almost before he realised he was airborne. He squawked and one of the women screamed. I remembered too late how touchy they are about strange males getting near their children. But instead of yelling at me, she went for the kid.
“Allen! How many times have I told you not to run around in the parking lot! You could get squashed!” She swept him up and made a few passes with her hands, and suddenly Allen was snapped into a harness, the other end of his leash being attached to the stroller containing two smaller kids.
She turned on me then. “Thank you so much for grabbing him! I tell him and tell him, but he doesn’t remember when he gets excited.”
I hesitated, then decided to go ahead. “Well, he’s kind of small yet; might take a couple more years before he remembers. Maybe the harness should go on before he hits the pavement.”
She glanced at her son, who was pouting and picking at the webbing of the harness, but otherwise behaving very nicely. “That’s probably a good idea.... He doesn’t like it, but I like the idea of squished kid even less,” she smiled. “Thanks again.”
I shrugged and returned the smile. “Anytime.”
+~+
I’m not really shopping for anything; it’s more that I’m here just because I can be. The two Dragons have finally let me take the training wheels off – witness Heero letting me use his car – and start living normally, as in without one of them attached to my hip every moment I’m out of the Castle.
I even got to take a field assignment this week. Granted, Trowa and Inazuma were both with me, but I was still out of the office, which I haven’t been since the... Incident. I didn’t have any panic attacks or flashbacks and only startled twice. If either of my teammates noticed, they didn’t say anything, so I felt pretty proud of myself.
Heero is involved in something down in the labs, but he’s going to meet me for an early dinner and then we’re going to go to a movie, probably something loud and mindless with lots of special effects. I love those sorts of movies; takes my mind off my own little special effects department.
I wandered through some of the stores, looked in a lot more windows, bought a soda and sat in the middle of the mall people watching. No panic attacks. No uneasiness that I could find. It’s been a while, after all, and about damn time.
I really do feel like I’ve finally found ‘me’ again, amid all the craziness. I also think that talking to Julie helped. It doesn’t make what she did forgivable, but it makes it understandable, in a weird sick way. If she had just told me what was happening, I would have done everything I could to help her, but she didn’t and now I can’t. Nothing I can do about it now. I have my own fears to deal with now, and I hope to hell I never deliberately hurt someone else just to save myself.
I wouldn’t be here like this, though without the help of my Wyvern. What I wanted, what I did, made him uncomfortable and nervous, but he did it for me, because I asked. I knew, somehow, that it would work; that crossing that finally barrier would free me from that miserable loop of pain, guilt and fear, and it *has* worked. I still have my little triggers, but I’m not falling-apart-hysterical every time I turn around anymore. I feel... grounded; anchored again. I’m beginning to feel good again.
I bought a few little things for Dael. I’m sure she doesn’t need them and I’m sure Teal will say I’m spoiling her, but I’m the uncle, so I’m allowed. I’d be over at the boarding house right now, but Teal and Dael are out ‘visiting’ for a couple of days.
Teal has friends all over the world from his wanderings; some of them in this area. They’re spending the night with a Were that Teal has known since he was a pup. It’s a bit of a coincidence; the Were raises sheep and sells their wool as spun yarn to specialty yarn shops all over the world. Teal promised to ask him for me if he ever takes special orders for certain finishes or colors. I have some ideas, but I’ve never found the right yarn.
The Were and his female have a daughter a few months older than Dael, so she should have fun.
I can hardly believe that Teal is willing to stay the whole summer, but I’ll certainly take what I can get. He says he intends to continue wandering, between visits with me and his mother’s Clan, until Dael is ready to attend school, then he’ll find a suitable place to settle. I did mention that the Castle runs a day school for Magical children of the town and the surrounding area. He said he’d look into it when the time comes.
It’s great to have him here, but it’s even better that he isn’t fussing over me. Those few moments in the office when he first arrived were the extent of my hysterical breakdown. Even hearing about my mother didn’t knock me for as much of a loop as I really expected. I won’t say it doesn’t matter any more, because it does; just... not so much as it used to.
Other things in my life are beginning to straighten themselves out as well. I finally beat Inazuma on the range. He promptly decided that I was ready to move up a notch to a heavier bow, so I’m back where I was, shooting all over the place until I get used to it. And him smirking behind his hand where he thinks I don’t see. I’ll get him one of these days, and beat him with his own bow; see if I don’t. And Teal brought Caz’s bow for me.
He says he has a lot more things in storage for me, once I pull my head out and Choose Heero, so we can settle down in our own home. That kind of shocked me; I haven’t been thinking about a home of our own. Never occurred to me that we could live somewhere together that isn’t within the Castle walls. I know that Heero is waiting for me to respond to his declaration, and he says he’ll wait as long as it takes, but Teal keeps giving me bad looks when Heero tells me he loves me and I don’t say the same back to him. I’m just not... ready yet. I feel like I’m waiting for some kind of sign; fireworks, shooting stars, a UFO with “Do it now!” spelled out in flashing green lights. I think Heero knows that I’m not going anywhere, and I’m almost sure he isn’t, so I don’t see any rush. Teal’s a romantic guy though; I guess he would feel better knowing that Heero and I are official.
The sorting out of my fear-induced explosions is also going well. I’ve been able to voluntarily call up the... well, power, several times now. The first time I was trying to pop a balloon and ended up breaking a window, but Madame Collier wasn’t too upset. She’s told me stories of some of the incredible things that the students do while trying to master some of the dueling spells, and believe me, breaking a window is pretty far down on the list. The second time was a little different. I made a pot of water burn.
I was working on controlling the explosive force and I essentially set the water on fire. We were both rather startled. I’m just glad to see some positive response from all the work I’ve done. Madame Collier feels that the more I play with it, the easier it’ll become to control. I hope she’s right, because I sure don’t want to hurt anyone again.
I'm supposed to be sewing right now. At least, that was my plan for this weekend. We all know how that works... Oh, well. The burnoose isn't going anywhere and I doubt if the comforter, the throw and the humbags can get the door open to escape.
Happy shopping, y'all. ^__^
BFB – Part 094 – Shopping
A
I parked the car as far from the mall itself as I could get; Heero might not be in love with his car, but he wouldn’t be happy if I brought it back with dings. I patted its sleek dark hood and told it I would try to hurry, but it being this time of year, I couldn’t make promises.
It’s almost funny how some people will circle and circle like vultures, waiting for a space close to an entrance to open up. I wonder sometimes if that’s a Human trait or just an impatient one. It seems to me it would be a lot faster to just park and get the shopping started, but what do I know? I tried asking when I lived with them, but I never really got a good explanation. And they don’t all do it.
Heh. It’s kind of fun now to watch Humans and all their little behaviors. I think when I was actually in their world I was too afraid to watch them that closely, for fear of attracting attention, but now... Well, what are they going to do to me now?
And here is another of their funny behaviors. Two adult females are unloading kids from a minivan. It seems like there are a dozen kids bouncing around the van, but it’s probably only five or six; they just move so fast when they’re small like that. The females are hauling out strollers, the huge, massive, tank-like kind, and snapping them into usable form to start loading the kids in.
It took me a while to understand that Human females – women – generally travel in pairs and groups when not working, and that they usually have their offspring with them wherever they go. I still don’t quite understand the Human need to be constantly surrounded by others, but I suppose it’s some residual herd instinct. Banshees are sociable, but we also value our personal space. Our females don’t run in packs either; too competitive, some would say.
But then I suppose I do it now. I hardly ever go for coffee or to lunch alone; if Heero is out, someone else almost always goes with. Still being discreetly protective of me. I’d get mad, but there’s really no point, and I can also now see myself as being just as protective of one of my friends in the same circumstances. Sometimes the whole office will go as a herd. It’s funny to watch the faces of the dining hall staff when we all come thundering in; they can’t seem to decide whether to just take cover or to actually run. I haven’t figured out yet if they’re really intimidated by us or just afraid Wufei is going to criticize the food again.
I was almost to the back end of the minivan when one of the kids, being chased by another kid, decided to make a left turn straight into traffic, nearly under the wheels of a – fortunately – slow-moving pick-up truck. I reached out and snatched him off his feet, swinging him around and setting him down again, almost before he realised he was airborne. He squawked and one of the women screamed. I remembered too late how touchy they are about strange males getting near their children. But instead of yelling at me, she went for the kid.
“Allen! How many times have I told you not to run around in the parking lot! You could get squashed!” She swept him up and made a few passes with her hands, and suddenly Allen was snapped into a harness, the other end of his leash being attached to the stroller containing two smaller kids.
She turned on me then. “Thank you so much for grabbing him! I tell him and tell him, but he doesn’t remember when he gets excited.”
I hesitated, then decided to go ahead. “Well, he’s kind of small yet; might take a couple more years before he remembers. Maybe the harness should go on before he hits the pavement.”
She glanced at her son, who was pouting and picking at the webbing of the harness, but otherwise behaving very nicely. “That’s probably a good idea.... He doesn’t like it, but I like the idea of squished kid even less,” she smiled. “Thanks again.”
I shrugged and returned the smile. “Anytime.”
+~+
I’m not really shopping for anything; it’s more that I’m here just because I can be. The two Dragons have finally let me take the training wheels off – witness Heero letting me use his car – and start living normally, as in without one of them attached to my hip every moment I’m out of the Castle.
I even got to take a field assignment this week. Granted, Trowa and Inazuma were both with me, but I was still out of the office, which I haven’t been since the... Incident. I didn’t have any panic attacks or flashbacks and only startled twice. If either of my teammates noticed, they didn’t say anything, so I felt pretty proud of myself.
Heero is involved in something down in the labs, but he’s going to meet me for an early dinner and then we’re going to go to a movie, probably something loud and mindless with lots of special effects. I love those sorts of movies; takes my mind off my own little special effects department.
I wandered through some of the stores, looked in a lot more windows, bought a soda and sat in the middle of the mall people watching. No panic attacks. No uneasiness that I could find. It’s been a while, after all, and about damn time.
I really do feel like I’ve finally found ‘me’ again, amid all the craziness. I also think that talking to Julie helped. It doesn’t make what she did forgivable, but it makes it understandable, in a weird sick way. If she had just told me what was happening, I would have done everything I could to help her, but she didn’t and now I can’t. Nothing I can do about it now. I have my own fears to deal with now, and I hope to hell I never deliberately hurt someone else just to save myself.
I wouldn’t be here like this, though without the help of my Wyvern. What I wanted, what I did, made him uncomfortable and nervous, but he did it for me, because I asked. I knew, somehow, that it would work; that crossing that finally barrier would free me from that miserable loop of pain, guilt and fear, and it *has* worked. I still have my little triggers, but I’m not falling-apart-hysterical every time I turn around anymore. I feel... grounded; anchored again. I’m beginning to feel good again.
I bought a few little things for Dael. I’m sure she doesn’t need them and I’m sure Teal will say I’m spoiling her, but I’m the uncle, so I’m allowed. I’d be over at the boarding house right now, but Teal and Dael are out ‘visiting’ for a couple of days.
Teal has friends all over the world from his wanderings; some of them in this area. They’re spending the night with a Were that Teal has known since he was a pup. It’s a bit of a coincidence; the Were raises sheep and sells their wool as spun yarn to specialty yarn shops all over the world. Teal promised to ask him for me if he ever takes special orders for certain finishes or colors. I have some ideas, but I’ve never found the right yarn.
The Were and his female have a daughter a few months older than Dael, so she should have fun.
I can hardly believe that Teal is willing to stay the whole summer, but I’ll certainly take what I can get. He says he intends to continue wandering, between visits with me and his mother’s Clan, until Dael is ready to attend school, then he’ll find a suitable place to settle. I did mention that the Castle runs a day school for Magical children of the town and the surrounding area. He said he’d look into it when the time comes.
It’s great to have him here, but it’s even better that he isn’t fussing over me. Those few moments in the office when he first arrived were the extent of my hysterical breakdown. Even hearing about my mother didn’t knock me for as much of a loop as I really expected. I won’t say it doesn’t matter any more, because it does; just... not so much as it used to.
Other things in my life are beginning to straighten themselves out as well. I finally beat Inazuma on the range. He promptly decided that I was ready to move up a notch to a heavier bow, so I’m back where I was, shooting all over the place until I get used to it. And him smirking behind his hand where he thinks I don’t see. I’ll get him one of these days, and beat him with his own bow; see if I don’t. And Teal brought Caz’s bow for me.
He says he has a lot more things in storage for me, once I pull my head out and Choose Heero, so we can settle down in our own home. That kind of shocked me; I haven’t been thinking about a home of our own. Never occurred to me that we could live somewhere together that isn’t within the Castle walls. I know that Heero is waiting for me to respond to his declaration, and he says he’ll wait as long as it takes, but Teal keeps giving me bad looks when Heero tells me he loves me and I don’t say the same back to him. I’m just not... ready yet. I feel like I’m waiting for some kind of sign; fireworks, shooting stars, a UFO with “Do it now!” spelled out in flashing green lights. I think Heero knows that I’m not going anywhere, and I’m almost sure he isn’t, so I don’t see any rush. Teal’s a romantic guy though; I guess he would feel better knowing that Heero and I are official.
The sorting out of my fear-induced explosions is also going well. I’ve been able to voluntarily call up the... well, power, several times now. The first time I was trying to pop a balloon and ended up breaking a window, but Madame Collier wasn’t too upset. She’s told me stories of some of the incredible things that the students do while trying to master some of the dueling spells, and believe me, breaking a window is pretty far down on the list. The second time was a little different. I made a pot of water burn.
I was working on controlling the explosive force and I essentially set the water on fire. We were both rather startled. I’m just glad to see some positive response from all the work I’ve done. Madame Collier feels that the more I play with it, the easier it’ll become to control. I hope she’s right, because I sure don’t want to hurt anyone again.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-11-26 07:12 pm (UTC)Duo sounds so much better here; it's good to see inside his head and not see so much 'swirly' going on. ^^;
You get any of the sewing wrestled to the ground? I finally got all my hexagons done... knew I'd manage it on Thanksgiving. Thought my arm was gonna fall off, but I got done while waiting for the company to go the hell home. ^^; Now I just need to sew them together...
no subject
Date: 2005-11-26 08:38 pm (UTC)Well... I looked at the sewing this morning... And at the sewing machine. And at the table. Realised I'm gonna have to fill at least three bobbins and changed the thread three times.
Have I wrestled it to the ground? Um... >_> No.
*picks up hank of braid; deposits it back in the basket; smacks it when it hisses*
...but hey! It's only... uh... 1234. Plenty of time. Yeah.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-26 08:57 pm (UTC)*sits in chair and swings feet staring at Spider Solitaire icon*
Make me do something constructive...
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 12:02 am (UTC)^___^ I did the first two, then supervised him for three more, and he's been on his own for about 40 minutes. *giggle* I think he's actually enjoying it.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 12:14 am (UTC)Well, if he's enjoying it... cultivate that! *grin* Go pat and praise ever little bit... don't want him to get bored. Hell, maybe you can get HIM to finish the burnoose! :P
I should probably start sewing hexagons together, but I have this 'they need to be blocked' mind-set that is allowing me to put that off, since I'm only half done with that. And yes... I DO know that I could start the sewing before they're all done, but we don't need to talk about that. >_>
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 02:15 am (UTC)I got the original burnoose out and now I'm not sure if I did the hand sewing first or turned the hem first. O.o It's banded with bias tape to keep it from raveling, and I *think* I did the hand stitching first, then turned the hem on the machine. I'll go ahead and do it that way this time anyway. *sigh*
I'm feeling strangely... domestic.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-28 01:14 pm (UTC)*snerk* That's what happens to me every time I make one of those dumb dolls... I totally forget all the little tricks I figured out the first time!
Hey... how about I box up and send your kid my unfinished sewing projects? :P
no subject
Date: 2005-11-26 09:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 12:08 am (UTC)He never ran around under the clothing racks or knocked bolts of fabric onto the floor or disappeared whenever I turned my head. >.< I *hate* going shopping and having to dodge someone else's rotten little brats. I really hate kids. Except for my own. ^__^
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 12:30 am (UTC)*grin* I don't like it either. Specially since the teacher part of my personality always wants to chide them for doing those exact things, and yet I know the parents would flip. I have subjected quite a few to the 'Look' though.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 02:27 am (UTC)I did give in to the urge to snarl once. Couple of kids, maybe 4 and 6, running in and out of the clothing racks at Target, knocking stuff onto the floor. They popped out in front of me and I just yelled "What do you think you're doing?! Get out from under those racks right now! Go back to your mother and *stay* there!" I got a standing ovation from everyone in the department, except their mother. ^__^ Don't know what possessed me to do that; guess it was just the right time, the right place and the right frustration. Haven't done it since; now I just glare and growl. They usually back away slowly and then run. ^__^ I hate children.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 05:16 am (UTC)*giggles* Oh, I would've loved to have seen that! Good for you.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 03:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 06:18 am (UTC)Oh, and I thought I found a grammar error in the first half of this (a missing -s or some such), but can't find it now that I've gone over it again... I'm probably imagining things again.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 02:52 pm (UTC)I go over everything pretty thoroughly before I post, but random typos have been known to slip under my radar, especially if I'm tired. I don't touch-type, so I occasionally whack the wrong key without realising. ^__^ Which would be why I go over everything...
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 06:36 am (UTC)Running away in malls...? I only got lost once I think, and I don't even remember it. According to my mom, they found me in Tiffany's, looking at the diamonds.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 02:55 pm (UTC)Tiffany's, huh? Funny, isn't it, how early good taste manifests in some people. ^__^
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 07:49 am (UTC)well, at least he didn't go on about the peculiar behavior of visiting the restroom en masse...
Glad to hear your Duo is feeling comfortable enough again to wander around and observe the crazy primates. Mall = Habitrail. Right?
and yes, I've often thought kids like that need leashes. >_< Stopped at a warehouse club Friday - ye gods. Screeching kids racing madly underfoot while distant parents bellowed dire threats. My idea of hell... I was wondering why on earth anyone would intentionally go through that, when my friend casually said (of my godchild) "We bring him here on rainy days to burn off excess energy". She had him running laps around the freezer cases. O.O;
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 03:06 pm (UTC)*flexes newly-sharpened talons in the direction of your friend* HISSSSSSS! Last time I was in Costco (weekend before Thanksgiving) some kid about five years old came careening around a corner and ran straight into the side of my cart. Fell on the ground screaming bloody murder; not a sign of a parent or keeper. *sigh* I just looked at him and said "Idiot. That's the reason you don't run in stores." And headed on down the aisle. ^___^ My kid shows up a moment later and informs me "That boy has neglectful parents. They didn't teach him right." *snerk!*
no subject
Date: 2005-11-28 10:15 pm (UTC)I really love this fic, and I'm so glad Duo's getting back on his feet again.
And I have to agree with you on the kids and malls thing. I hate shoppng, just because of all the idiots out there. But don't leave out the teeny-boppers who cluster, 10 to a group and block the whole aisle/walkway. I'm not sure which is worse... the littles or the teen brats. (at least that's how it is here in Oz... and I have to go mall bound today, with school being out, during Xmas season...)
As for projects... *stares at the 5, half-done afghans piled in the room* Does your son crochet, by any chance? Or, I can send you the fabric for my mom's next year's Xmas quilt... (was supposed to be this year, but packages from here to NY take 8-12 weeks to get there... not a chance this year). How about the fabric for the pillows for my niece?
It was worth a shot, I guess.
Thanks for the new part! More Chibi soon, too?
no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 01:19 am (UTC)I tend to walk right over the teenagers. My philosophy in malls is 'move it or lose it.' And fortunately I'm big enough, at six feet tall and 200 pounds, to make it work. And a friend very kindly taught me the trick of being an immovable object, so they bounce off me. ^__^
I may go to the mall once or twice between now and xmas, but it won't be for xmas shopping; I'm all done with that.
The sewing, now, is another story... *smacks hank of braid again and stuffs it into the box*
I already have enough projects sitting to take me right on through January. Or beyond. =p
Chibi takes longer to write; it's a little more personal. Some days it's easy; other days it's just impossible. But it's coming along.