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lavandarlizard2Not that I am a cheerful reptile, oh heavens NO! >.< But I begin to make headway against the creeping gloomies. If I had a way of giving orders to hamsters without the little buggers laughing uproariously and scampering away giggling, I would, of course, be much happier. But we make do with what we have, not what we wish to have, or so they say...
And if anyone else has noticed, yes; I have confused myself with all these partlets and have no idea what letter this one should be. That's okay, though. This part is almost done. *whew!*
BFB - 087? - Strange Days V
I let myself into the classroom after first peeking to be sure that no one was there. First time I came here, Madame Collier was waiting for me. The second time, there were some students hanging around, talking with her. It startled me; not finding them here, but the way I reacted to them.
My heart went from fifty-five beats a minute to about two hundred in less time than it takes to say. The whole room wobbled in front of me and turned a bad shade of reddish-brown. My throat closed up and I couldn’t breathe. I was sure, for all of seven seconds, that I was going to pass out and... and be... in trouble again.
Then one of the students, a butter-blond with enormous green eyes, noticed me and said very nicely, “Oh, I’m sorry; we’re intruding on your time.” He gathered his friends and said goodbye to Madame Collier and they left. Just like that. No sneers, no rude whispers; just a handful of friendly nods as they went past.
I found myself sitting in a chair with Madame Collier crouched in front of me, rubbing my hands and looking rather worried.
I almost told her; came really close. But I didn’t. I just said that I’d had a miserable time with some of the younger students last year. She looked kind of irritated when I explained what they’d said to and about me.
“We teach all kinds magical here,” she muttered. “Unfortunately, our gene pool also has a shallow end. Don’t let the little shits get to you, Duo. You are more now than many of them will ever be. That annoys some of them.”
She also explained that most of them would grow out of that mean-spiritedness, and used the group that had just left as an example. They were the seventh-year students and she said they had once been just as obnoxious and as irritating, but they were now turning into real Witches and Wizards.
Today, though, the room was empty. I made my way to the practice area, dropping my bag and cloak along the way, and began my warm-ups.
The main focus of this training, as Q and Madame Collier have explained it to me, is to put this... power at my command. To make it something I can use, not something that just happens. To do that, I have to figure out where it comes from, or where it is within me.
We’ve managed to find something, kind of like a little spot of warmth that seems to have no other purpose. My exercises are intended to draw it out, to make it easier to get to and to examine it from all angles. The trigger right now, seems to be fear. I was afraid when I blew up the toad demon and when I... hurt Wufei. Even drugged and mostly unconscious, it responded to my fear and took out the bastard...
Yeah. So it doesn’t need my conscious attention to work.
Anyway, Madame Collier seems to think it’s only a matter of bringing it under my conscious control, which will eliminate these sudden explosions. I told her the first day of my uncertain background; that my father was not a Banshee and that I don’t know what he is. I even told her about my banishment and the terms they used against me then. She gave me a long, intense look and was quiet for a few minutes, thinking.
Then she snorted and called my Matriarch an idiot. If I was the child of Death, she said, the Matriarch had likely thrown away the best thing to happen to her Clan in centuries, or since the last child of Death.
She called me special. And said that the Matriarch was a fool for not recognizing that.
I guess... I think... maybe... I can become comfortable... with Humans again. At least some of them.
I took my place and began reaching inside myself to find that little spot of warmth. That tiny bit of heat deep inside that seemed to be trying to protect me. I really wanted to reach some kind of agreement with it, before it tried again to protect me from my friends and my lover....
Before it succeeded.
...tbc...
And if anyone else has noticed, yes; I have confused myself with all these partlets and have no idea what letter this one should be. That's okay, though. This part is almost done. *whew!*
BFB - 087? - Strange Days V
I let myself into the classroom after first peeking to be sure that no one was there. First time I came here, Madame Collier was waiting for me. The second time, there were some students hanging around, talking with her. It startled me; not finding them here, but the way I reacted to them.
My heart went from fifty-five beats a minute to about two hundred in less time than it takes to say. The whole room wobbled in front of me and turned a bad shade of reddish-brown. My throat closed up and I couldn’t breathe. I was sure, for all of seven seconds, that I was going to pass out and... and be... in trouble again.
Then one of the students, a butter-blond with enormous green eyes, noticed me and said very nicely, “Oh, I’m sorry; we’re intruding on your time.” He gathered his friends and said goodbye to Madame Collier and they left. Just like that. No sneers, no rude whispers; just a handful of friendly nods as they went past.
I found myself sitting in a chair with Madame Collier crouched in front of me, rubbing my hands and looking rather worried.
I almost told her; came really close. But I didn’t. I just said that I’d had a miserable time with some of the younger students last year. She looked kind of irritated when I explained what they’d said to and about me.
“We teach all kinds magical here,” she muttered. “Unfortunately, our gene pool also has a shallow end. Don’t let the little shits get to you, Duo. You are more now than many of them will ever be. That annoys some of them.”
She also explained that most of them would grow out of that mean-spiritedness, and used the group that had just left as an example. They were the seventh-year students and she said they had once been just as obnoxious and as irritating, but they were now turning into real Witches and Wizards.
Today, though, the room was empty. I made my way to the practice area, dropping my bag and cloak along the way, and began my warm-ups.
The main focus of this training, as Q and Madame Collier have explained it to me, is to put this... power at my command. To make it something I can use, not something that just happens. To do that, I have to figure out where it comes from, or where it is within me.
We’ve managed to find something, kind of like a little spot of warmth that seems to have no other purpose. My exercises are intended to draw it out, to make it easier to get to and to examine it from all angles. The trigger right now, seems to be fear. I was afraid when I blew up the toad demon and when I... hurt Wufei. Even drugged and mostly unconscious, it responded to my fear and took out the bastard...
Yeah. So it doesn’t need my conscious attention to work.
Anyway, Madame Collier seems to think it’s only a matter of bringing it under my conscious control, which will eliminate these sudden explosions. I told her the first day of my uncertain background; that my father was not a Banshee and that I don’t know what he is. I even told her about my banishment and the terms they used against me then. She gave me a long, intense look and was quiet for a few minutes, thinking.
Then she snorted and called my Matriarch an idiot. If I was the child of Death, she said, the Matriarch had likely thrown away the best thing to happen to her Clan in centuries, or since the last child of Death.
She called me special. And said that the Matriarch was a fool for not recognizing that.
I guess... I think... maybe... I can become comfortable... with Humans again. At least some of them.
I took my place and began reaching inside myself to find that little spot of warmth. That tiny bit of heat deep inside that seemed to be trying to protect me. I really wanted to reach some kind of agreement with it, before it tried again to protect me from my friends and my lover....
Before it succeeded.
...tbc...
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no subject
Date: 2005-03-07 01:08 am (UTC)*sits down happily and waits for more*
no subject
Date: 2005-03-07 01:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-07 02:42 am (UTC)I like the way Duo thinks about this new ability... I really wanted to reach some kind of agreement with it almost like it's something other than himself.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-07 01:21 pm (UTC)Hm... At the moment, at least, it is something rather independant. And Duo is something of a creative thinker. ^.^
no subject
Date: 2005-03-08 12:57 am (UTC)