lavandarlizard2 | on the one hand, I am stunned...

...on the other hand, I am running around the room squeeing like a crazy woman.

I... have an archive at GWA... 0.0;;;; It's December 1, right? Not April? I think I need to lie down for a while... double 0.0!!!

But I'll give you something better, since you're here, and clutching at my throat...

BFB - 082b - Wufei's Disaster

Sitting in the dark, a fine mist of rain falling around him, Wufei studied the silent water flowing beneath the bridge.

Dark and filthy, just like his nonexistent soul. Running heedlessly downhill; caring nothing of the damage it may cause to the lives of others.

Gods... Ancestors... What is happening to me...? What am I becoming?

He couldn’t shut out his father’s voice, that shrill, hateful condemnation coming from the final letter, the last letter he would ever receive. Be careful what you wish for...

Faithless. Dishonorable. Cowardly. Words that cut and wounded.

It wasn’t even about Ling Ping Mei; she was barely mentioned.

Instead, it focused on every single mistake he had ever made. His disdain at becoming the Family historian. His refusal to defer to his elder brother. His behavior with Xho Lai... Oh, that was a very sore point, one his Honorable Father just couldn’t seem to turn loose of. His being chosen to attend the School of Magic and Wizardry. Even though his Honorable Father had been almost beside himself with pride at the time.

“My son has talent! My son has great ability! My son will become a Wizard!”

And then his son, the Wizard, was supposed to return home, to that tiny insulated enclave, marry a female who detested him and bury himself in a dusty, cobweb-ridden library with only the shades of his ancestors for company.

No, the pride of the family had refused all of that, preferring to live and work – like a common Human for heavens sake! – with other Magical Creatures and Magical Humans!

Did this ungrateful wretch of a son have any idea how hard it was to arrange a betrothal for him? Did he know how lucky he was that Ling the Elder happened to have a spare daughter? And how lucky that Ling the Elder was willing to over-look Wufei’s youthful indiscretions? Did he not realize how much his Honorable Father had to concede to Ling to seal the betrothal? Ungrateful wretch! Shame on the Ancestors! Humiliation to the Family Chang! Why, it would be well-nigh impossible for his brothers and sisters – through no fault of their own – to arrange decent marriages for their own children because of him!

Did he not understand that the Great Dragons would shun the Family Chang?!

There would be No Further Communication. He had had his chance, but the Honorable Father’s patience had reached its end. His name would be expunged from the Family histories. He was no longer a Chang.

Rotten old man...

And himself, three times a fool for even caring...

For letting his anger and betrayal, and yes, his hurt, build and build, until he was teetering on the edge of something... evil.

Damn him for his temper. Damn him for his jealousy. Damn him for daring to dream, to want, to need... something that belonged to another.

He choked on that thought and drew his legs up to rest his head on his knees.

What had he done? What had he *done*...? It was only banter, only the usual sniping that he and Heero had engaged in from the day they met; two Dragons testing each other’s boundaries. If he had gone against Heero it would have been one thing, but he failed to exercise restraint around their colleagues and friends. He failed to behave with the honor expected of him as a Were-Dragon... He failed to see... He... failed...

And Duo, his darling little Banshee, lying on the cold stone floor in a pool of his own blood...

Heero should have torn his throat out for that. He should have broken his worthless neck. He should have ripped him from stem to stern and scattered his entrails to the four winds...

All he did was turn his back, gathering his angel, his beloved, his Banshee into his arms...

Trowa... His best friend in the world... Standing on the far side of that pool of crimson, just looking at him, a single tear sliding down his face... A look of such sadness, such betrayal, in his emerald eyes.

What have I become...? Ancestors... help me... Please...

...tbc...