real life is vastly over-rated
Oct. 23rd, 2008 06:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lavandarlizard2Seriously. >.< In my fantasies, I have parents/friends/family who have nothing better to do than to shower me with praise, money and jewelry. In real life, though...? Everyone is dead or poor. =p
So that's my thought for the day. ^___^
Behind the cut we have some funfic. ^.o Because, you know, some of us still can't understand why Zechs isn't in prison. O.o And yeah, you know who you are, but no one else needs to. ^___~
Gotcher back. ^_____^
2≠6
Duo sighed and pulled out his phone.
"Yeah. Me. I found him. What should I do with him?"
"~~~~"
Duo rolled his eyes. "Well, let's see... Where shall I start? He's dancing with two guys, one of whom is obviously into stereotypes because he's decked out in catalog-perfect bear gear and the other looks like a preppy wanna-be from the wrong side of the landing strip. He's got a drink in hand and it sure as hell ain't his first. By the way, did you know he'd cut his hair?"
"~~~~?!"
"Yep. Looks like one of those silly pseudo-military styles. All short on the sides and foofy on top. Huh? Oh, well, tell her it'll grow back; hair is a renewable resource."
"~~~~"
"I can put him in a cab, but he probably won't stay. Um... Are you sure about that, Heero? He's an ugly drunk. Just tell her not to get mad at me when he starts pitching fits and china. Okay. Geez, Yuy... The things I do for you. What?"
"~~~~"
"He did? Damn, I must have had my phone turned off. I'll call him back before I scoop up Prince Pickled. Huh?"
"~~~~?"
"Oh, Prince Pickled. We've called him that for ages. Hey, it's cleaner than what Fei used to call him. Oh. Aw, go ahead, Heero; you know you want to." Duo chuckled into the phone, eyes still following the sometimes-Milliardo Peacecraft as he gyrated with his two dance partners.
"****!"
"Oh, hi hon. Did Heero tell you I found him? What? Ooooh, girl! If you could see what I see...! Hey, Relena, even I'm not that mean. Now, Fei would do it in a heartbeat, but I'm the nice one, remember?"
"****"
"S'okay. I'll get the big jerk home. You want him in the guesthouse or where you can keep an eye on him? Okay... If you're sure Phipps can deal with him. How about if I give him some nighty-night before I hand him over? Aw, c'mon! Just one tap? He'll never notice, not with the hangover he's gonna have..."
"****! ******!!"
"Okay, okay! Heero?"
"~~~~"
"She needs to have this asshole committed and professionally dried out. Yeah, I know. 'Ohana', and all that crap... Okay, see you soon."
He ended the call and dialed another, even more familiar number. "Hey, babe. Heero said you called them looking for me; must have turned my phone off by mistake."
"===="
"Yeah, right in front of me, behaving like an ass, as usual."
"===="
"Heh! He does and he'll get his clock cleaned. I warned him last time and drunk is no excuse."
"===="
"Miss you, too, hon. Do you have a flight number yet? Okay, I'll be there with all my bells jingling."
"====!'
"And what if I did? You gonna spank me...? Hmm...?" He laughed softly, caressing the phone as if it were that familiar cheek. "Okay. Fly safe; I love you."
"<3<3<3<3..."
He closed the phone and tucked it away, then rolled his shoulders in preparation and started across the dance floor toward the former Prince of Sanq, the former Lightning Count, the former leader of White Fang, the former almost-destroyer of the civilized world and the current drunk-as-a-skunk Zechs Merquise, sometimes – when it suited him – known as Milliardo Peacecraft. It really was a good thing that Heero was his best friend; he sure as hell wouldn't be doing this for anyone less.
~*~
Poured into the passenger seat and strapped in, Zechs lolled like a big stinking doll. Duo glared at him as he buckled his own harness and started the car. "You puke in my car, asshole, and you'll clean it up with your tongue," he growled.
The drunken man just leered at him. "Ooooh...! Promises, promises! I could so do you..."
"Sure you could. And I'd break another finger for you." He pulled out onto the highway, heading for the not-quite-a-mansion where Heero and Relena maintained their primary residence. Twenty minutes from now, he'd be off-loading this pissy mess of humanity. Whiny, spoiled little wanna-be monster. Hard to believe this was Relena's blood brother. Maybe the queen had had some outside 'interests'...
A large hand landed on his thigh. Without even looking down, Duo grabbed one finger and twisted. Zechs squawked and pulled his hand back.
"Little punk-ass shit," he muttered sullenly. "Don' see why you don' like me..."
"’Cuz you're a pig, Milliardo." He glanced over to inspect the dirty hair, greasy skin and rumpled clothing. "You stink, you're dirty, and you're a spoiled little kid. You shoulda stuck with Treize; at least he had class."
"Shut up! I fucked your boyfriend!"
"Oh, and you're a malevolent sleaze; did I mention that? Now, shut the fuck up before I pull over and dump your ass into the gutter where it belongs!"
After a few minutes of silence, Zechs sniffed. "My sister loves me..."
"Your sister is way too nice for her own good. She should have let you rot in prison."
"You're mean."
"Meaner than you'll ever be or know, fuckwit. Unbuckle; we're here."
"Not my apartment..."
"For some reason, your sweet sister wants to keep an eye on you. I keep telling her she's nuts, but whaddya gonna do? Out!"
"Don' wanna."
"Fine by me." Duo waved to Heero and Phipps coming down the front steps. "Hey, should I have brought him to the trades’ entrance?"
"No," Heero sighed. "Not like everyone doesn't already know." He stepped in and took Zechs' arm, hauling him up and out of the seat. Phipps came in on the other side to help.
"'m not a kid..." muttered Zechs. "Can walk..." He promptly staggered almost to his knees. Duo rolled his eyes; Heero just shook his head. Phipps remained professionally neutral.
As they dragged him toward the front door, Relena stepped out, looking both worried and exasperated.
"Duo, thank you so much," she said softly as he reached her. "He didn't... um..."
"Barf in my car? No. But I think I'll need to go with a complete detail and the heavy-duty air freshener for a while," he smiled. "Listen, hon, you need to stop worrying about this jerk." He gave her a significant look. "He's a grown man and if he chooses to fuck himself over like this, there's nothing you can do to stop him. You need to think of yourself and your own family."
She bit at her lower lip. "I know, but..." She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "I'd rather you were my brother, really."
Duo hugged her gently. "I am, babe; in every way but blood. I gotta go; Fei's shuttle lands in Omaha in just about twelve hours. I need to clean up and meet him. Give your hubby a hug for me and we'll see you guys in a few days, okay?"
"Okay. Thank you so much, Duo... Hug Wufei for me and tell him I'm sorry for asking this of you again."
"Better me than him," he laughed softly. "He'd probably solve all our problems with a quick swipe of that blade."
Relena giggled guiltily. "I know..."
Duo just smiled and kissed her cheek, then skipped down the steps to his car, ignoring the sounds of a pissed-off drunk coming from within.
So that's my thought for the day. ^___^
Behind the cut we have some funfic. ^.o Because, you know, some of us still can't understand why Zechs isn't in prison. O.o And yeah, you know who you are, but no one else needs to. ^___~
Gotcher back. ^_____^
2≠6
Duo sighed and pulled out his phone.
"Yeah. Me. I found him. What should I do with him?"
"~~~~"
Duo rolled his eyes. "Well, let's see... Where shall I start? He's dancing with two guys, one of whom is obviously into stereotypes because he's decked out in catalog-perfect bear gear and the other looks like a preppy wanna-be from the wrong side of the landing strip. He's got a drink in hand and it sure as hell ain't his first. By the way, did you know he'd cut his hair?"
"~~~~?!"
"Yep. Looks like one of those silly pseudo-military styles. All short on the sides and foofy on top. Huh? Oh, well, tell her it'll grow back; hair is a renewable resource."
"~~~~"
"I can put him in a cab, but he probably won't stay. Um... Are you sure about that, Heero? He's an ugly drunk. Just tell her not to get mad at me when he starts pitching fits and china. Okay. Geez, Yuy... The things I do for you. What?"
"~~~~"
"He did? Damn, I must have had my phone turned off. I'll call him back before I scoop up Prince Pickled. Huh?"
"~~~~?"
"Oh, Prince Pickled. We've called him that for ages. Hey, it's cleaner than what Fei used to call him. Oh. Aw, go ahead, Heero; you know you want to." Duo chuckled into the phone, eyes still following the sometimes-Milliardo Peacecraft as he gyrated with his two dance partners.
"****!"
"Oh, hi hon. Did Heero tell you I found him? What? Ooooh, girl! If you could see what I see...! Hey, Relena, even I'm not that mean. Now, Fei would do it in a heartbeat, but I'm the nice one, remember?"
"****"
"S'okay. I'll get the big jerk home. You want him in the guesthouse or where you can keep an eye on him? Okay... If you're sure Phipps can deal with him. How about if I give him some nighty-night before I hand him over? Aw, c'mon! Just one tap? He'll never notice, not with the hangover he's gonna have..."
"****! ******!!"
"Okay, okay! Heero?"
"~~~~"
"She needs to have this asshole committed and professionally dried out. Yeah, I know. 'Ohana', and all that crap... Okay, see you soon."
He ended the call and dialed another, even more familiar number. "Hey, babe. Heero said you called them looking for me; must have turned my phone off by mistake."
"===="
"Yeah, right in front of me, behaving like an ass, as usual."
"===="
"Heh! He does and he'll get his clock cleaned. I warned him last time and drunk is no excuse."
"===="
"Miss you, too, hon. Do you have a flight number yet? Okay, I'll be there with all my bells jingling."
"====!'
"And what if I did? You gonna spank me...? Hmm...?" He laughed softly, caressing the phone as if it were that familiar cheek. "Okay. Fly safe; I love you."
"<3<3<3<3..."
He closed the phone and tucked it away, then rolled his shoulders in preparation and started across the dance floor toward the former Prince of Sanq, the former Lightning Count, the former leader of White Fang, the former almost-destroyer of the civilized world and the current drunk-as-a-skunk Zechs Merquise, sometimes – when it suited him – known as Milliardo Peacecraft. It really was a good thing that Heero was his best friend; he sure as hell wouldn't be doing this for anyone less.
~*~
Poured into the passenger seat and strapped in, Zechs lolled like a big stinking doll. Duo glared at him as he buckled his own harness and started the car. "You puke in my car, asshole, and you'll clean it up with your tongue," he growled.
The drunken man just leered at him. "Ooooh...! Promises, promises! I could so do you..."
"Sure you could. And I'd break another finger for you." He pulled out onto the highway, heading for the not-quite-a-mansion where Heero and Relena maintained their primary residence. Twenty minutes from now, he'd be off-loading this pissy mess of humanity. Whiny, spoiled little wanna-be monster. Hard to believe this was Relena's blood brother. Maybe the queen had had some outside 'interests'...
A large hand landed on his thigh. Without even looking down, Duo grabbed one finger and twisted. Zechs squawked and pulled his hand back.
"Little punk-ass shit," he muttered sullenly. "Don' see why you don' like me..."
"’Cuz you're a pig, Milliardo." He glanced over to inspect the dirty hair, greasy skin and rumpled clothing. "You stink, you're dirty, and you're a spoiled little kid. You shoulda stuck with Treize; at least he had class."
"Shut up! I fucked your boyfriend!"
"Oh, and you're a malevolent sleaze; did I mention that? Now, shut the fuck up before I pull over and dump your ass into the gutter where it belongs!"
After a few minutes of silence, Zechs sniffed. "My sister loves me..."
"Your sister is way too nice for her own good. She should have let you rot in prison."
"You're mean."
"Meaner than you'll ever be or know, fuckwit. Unbuckle; we're here."
"Not my apartment..."
"For some reason, your sweet sister wants to keep an eye on you. I keep telling her she's nuts, but whaddya gonna do? Out!"
"Don' wanna."
"Fine by me." Duo waved to Heero and Phipps coming down the front steps. "Hey, should I have brought him to the trades’ entrance?"
"No," Heero sighed. "Not like everyone doesn't already know." He stepped in and took Zechs' arm, hauling him up and out of the seat. Phipps came in on the other side to help.
"'m not a kid..." muttered Zechs. "Can walk..." He promptly staggered almost to his knees. Duo rolled his eyes; Heero just shook his head. Phipps remained professionally neutral.
As they dragged him toward the front door, Relena stepped out, looking both worried and exasperated.
"Duo, thank you so much," she said softly as he reached her. "He didn't... um..."
"Barf in my car? No. But I think I'll need to go with a complete detail and the heavy-duty air freshener for a while," he smiled. "Listen, hon, you need to stop worrying about this jerk." He gave her a significant look. "He's a grown man and if he chooses to fuck himself over like this, there's nothing you can do to stop him. You need to think of yourself and your own family."
She bit at her lower lip. "I know, but..." She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "I'd rather you were my brother, really."
Duo hugged her gently. "I am, babe; in every way but blood. I gotta go; Fei's shuttle lands in Omaha in just about twelve hours. I need to clean up and meet him. Give your hubby a hug for me and we'll see you guys in a few days, okay?"
"Okay. Thank you so much, Duo... Hug Wufei for me and tell him I'm sorry for asking this of you again."
"Better me than him," he laughed softly. "He'd probably solve all our problems with a quick swipe of that blade."
Relena giggled guiltily. "I know..."
Duo just smiled and kissed her cheek, then skipped down the steps to his car, ignoring the sounds of a pissed-off drunk coming from within.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-10-24 04:11 am (UTC)Love this Duo. He is indeed the brother we wish we all had, blood or not.
Oh yeah, I sooo agree with you about real life.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-24 12:58 pm (UTC)I actually have an adopted brother much like Duo. So RL isn't completely a waste. ^___~
no subject
Date: 2008-10-24 01:50 pm (UTC)Made me sad. I like Zechs. He is my fave character with Duo.
And noooooooo not the hair *whimpers in denial*
annakas
no subject
Date: 2008-10-24 01:54 pm (UTC)*snork!*
no subject
Date: 2008-10-25 01:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-25 04:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-25 11:42 am (UTC)In my fantasies, that relatively rich uncle that I haven't spoken to in... probably ten years, inexplicably (sp) leaves me everything. *sigh*
This, was a delight on a day like today... I think I about hurt something laughing! I can see Zechs as a drunk... there's even that canon 'Wild Turkey' picture to back it up! ^_______^
Duo is great in this... so take charge and matter of fact about the whole thing.
Thanks for starting my day off with a smile! *snugs*
Now I'm off!
no subject
Date: 2008-10-25 01:03 pm (UTC)I knew this would come in handy one day. ^_____^ Remember now; pizza, shopkeeping and waving your cane tonight. *snerk!*
no subject
Date: 2008-10-26 01:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-26 02:01 am (UTC)Can you at least sleep in tomorrow? O.o
(O)(O)(O)(O)(O)
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 03:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 03:12 am (UTC)Maybe tomorrow? O.o
O)(O)(O)(O)(O)
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 11:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 03:41 am (UTC)Imagining the other side of the conversations was fun. Love your use of symbols "<3<3<3<3...".
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 03:51 am (UTC)The symbols happened before I even realised I was doing them. Probably the hamsters. ^__~