http://editrixfox.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] editrixfox.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] lavandarlizard2 2012-06-11 03:16 am (UTC)

Ooh, those poor supervisors ... er, no not really. I would change "Ms Gonzonga’s taste in fiction will not be reflecting on the performance of her duties as Day Supervisor." To "Ms Gonzonga’s taste in fiction should not influence the performance of her duties as Day Supervisor." or "Ms Gonzonga’s taste in fiction will not influence the performance of her duties as Day Supervisor any further." The way you wrote it it sounds just a little off. The first one could be mistaken for a request to fix the problem except for Heero's tone. The second is a thinly veiled command from a superior officer

But, eh, it's your story write it the way you please.

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